Things I've Learned During My Healing Month in August 2017

The Sea.jpg

I don't know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been pretty low-key this month. I didn’t write any blog post. I missed my usual #FridayFreebies and #TarotTuesday last week. I also didn't post that many updates for COVEN. I'm so so so sorry! That's because August is my healing month. It's a time for me to recuperate, or at least to stabilize myself from the bipolar disorder.

In July, I spent the entire month traveling to two different places; Jakarta and Singapore. Trying to adjust with the vibe of each city while continuing my spiritual work took a toll on me, particularly on my mental health. I was starting to lose the grasp of stability. And sometimes, I admit that I pushed myself too hard to meet the demands of having a consistent online presence when I’m supposed to enjoy my holiday. I’m a workaholic and a perfectionist with bipolar disorder. I can’t be satisfied with mediocre work. But at the same time, keeping up with perfection is what exactly brings me down.

But August is an entirely different month than July. As usual, before I start each month, I will look at the ephemeris, and do a reading to know what to look out. What is the lesson that I need to learn by the end of the month? Has there been any sign that leads me to the lesson? This month, it came in the form of mildew that filled my entire bedroom, including the surface of every single item I own, such as clothes and cosmetics. Imagine coming home after a night flight and seeing the horror when all you want is to lie down and rest. I had a breakdown right then and there. I started taking antidepressant medication to cope with the stress of house cleaning; which I continue to take until now. Even as I’m writing this blog post, my mood is still unstable enough to get back to work as usual (or clean up the house thoroughly, for that matter).

Astrologically, August is meant to be a healing month for me. This month we are blessed with two eclipses, Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius on August 7th and Solar Eclipse in Leo on August 22nd. Unluckily for me, the first eclipse affects my sixth house (House of Health), while the second eclipse makes its mark on my twelfth house (House of Unconscious). Generally, when there’s an eclipse in the axis of your sixth or twelfth house, you will become more sensitive mentally and physically. There may be a major change relating to physical illness or spiritual healing that you need to focus on – which is exactly what’s happening to me.

The Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius sheds light on the darkest feature of my life and the breakthrough required to accept it, and eventually strip myself from the suffering. In the morning of the eclipse day, I went for a monthly psychiatric check up. The doctor told me that my mood swing had worsened, meaning that I had both hypomania and depression at the same time. The depression manifested in suicidal thoughts, while the hypomania messed with my sleeping pattern. She prescribed a new medication called Seroquel to reduce the hypomania. The medicine thankfully worked wonder. I was actually worried that I might have to adjust with new side effects because god knows what will happen to my brain next. 

Generally, when there’s an eclipse in the axis of your sixth or twelfth house, you will become more sensitive mentally and physically. There may be a major change relating to physical illness or spiritual healing that you need to focus on – which is exactly what’s happening to me.
My Bipolar Disorder Medication

My Bipolar Disorder Medication

But so far it’s been pretty manageable. I did have a few breakdowns a week ago to the point where I felt like a total failure for being unable to leave the bed/house or for not being able to post #TarotTuesday, which I’m really sorry about. The thing with keeping up with online presence while struggling with depression is that every single interaction drains your energy so much. I would rather disappear and then come back with an explanation rather than having to force myself to reply to every single comment on my Instagram photo. I couldn't. It would be another recipe for disaster to me. So I decided to spend the day in bed, not thinking much about my illness while receiving the healing Reiki energy from the Divine White Light Youtube channel. Up until now, I've been going through different reactions to the new medication, such as breakdown/depressive episode, irritability, feeling anti-social, but at least my mood has slowly gone better.

The thing with keeping up with online presence while struggling with depression is that every single interaction drains your energy so much.

I have also started to notice the triggers that will lead to an episode. The first one is the thought of losing stability. It doesn’t matter if I'm losing it or not. If my brain thinks so, it will feel so. It’s easier to crash when the thought is looming over my head, even though logically I know it’s not true. Some friends even asked me if that means I can’t deal with changes. I can. It’s just harder to deal with changes if you think you don’t have a safety net to catch you when you fall.

The second one is alcohol. Since the first day, I took mental health medication, I have never been fully drunk. I’ve been trying to limit my consumption because I don’t want it to interfere with my medication. However, a few weeks ago I was meeting some friends. And, since I was hypomanic I decided to let loose for once only to find myself suffering from a heavy hangover and major depressive episode for the next two days. I couldn’t function at all. All I wanted was to stay in bed, feel sorry for myself, and refuse to take care of myself. That’s when I decided that I will no longer do heavy drinking. Social drinking is fine, but I shouldn’t do it for more than one day in a week. Also because my doctor agrees with me.

12/08/17: My first day going out and enjoying some me time at the beach after suffering from depression for 2,5 weeks

12/08/17: My first day going out and enjoying some me time at the beach after suffering from depression for 2,5 weeks

If you’re also struggling with a lifelong mental illness like me, here are a few tips that I’ve learned during my two weeks depression phase. Please understand that stability is temporary. Depression, much like cancer, is a silent killer. They can strike anytime, often without any trigger. It is critical for you to continue to track your mood, so you know when it’s going to strike. Sometimes it follows a monthly cycle. Like for example, I’m more prone to depression during Pre-Menstrual Syndrome period. Or sometimes, there’s no cycle at all. Either way, always try to log your mood and certain triggers in the past that may prompt the episode.

You also need to know certain habits or symptoms that are likely to show up when you’re about to experience depression. For instance, I know when I’m about to have one if I can’t focus on the road when I’m driving. My mind seems to be blank. I’m not thinking about anything, but I’m not focused on what’s in front of me as well. These small, minor symptoms are often lead to more debilitating symptoms in the end. Do not underestimate it.

Another thing that I’d like to emphasize is for you to take things slow. It’s okay to take some time off from the real world to recuperate from your mental illness. Don’t force yourself too hard when you’re not ready. This is why I've only taken two in-person sessions within three weeks. I also haven't posted a lot of updates on my social media. I want to make sure I’m not self-sabotaging myself from my healing period. But it doesn’t mean that you should give up. Take your meds, do your therapy, do anything you need to do to get well. But take a proper rest when it’s time to rest. That said, do not binge watch Game of Thrones at 3 AM in the morning (personal experience lol).

It’s okay to take some time off from the real world to recuperate from your mental illness. Don’t force yourself too hard when you’re not ready.

Check out the photos below to see my recovery progress! They are not edited (well maybe for the one that has me in it hahahah) because I want to be honest with you about the real effect of depression in my life. And to celebrate little victories too! (because it's really important)

Day 1 of Depression: The mildew phase

Day 1 of Depression: The mildew phase

The mildew is everywhere on my items

The mildew is everywhere on my items

Early sleeping situation. I had to sleep on the floor because there's mildew on my bed too.

Early sleeping situation. I had to sleep on the floor because there's mildew on my bed too.

11/08/17: Finally finished cleaning up the mildew and getting the clothes washed at the laundromat.

11/08/17: Finally finished cleaning up the mildew and getting the clothes washed at the laundromat.

11/08/17: Finally finished cleaning up the mildew and wiping every single item that I have in my wardrobe.

11/08/17: Finally finished cleaning up the mildew and wiping every single item that I have in my wardrobe.

The kind of situation I lived in when I was struggling with depression. Sleeping in my study because my bedroom is humid af.

The kind of situation I lived in when I was struggling with depression. Sleeping in my study because my bedroom is humid af.

12/08/17: Day 6 adjusting to Seroquel - Meeting the first in-person client in Ubud, Bali. I'm finally passionate about my work again. Thanks, Renata for meeting me and trusting me to help you.

12/08/17: Day 6 adjusting to Seroquel - Meeting the first in-person client in Ubud, Bali. I'm finally passionate about my work again. Thanks, Renata for meeting me and trusting me to help you.

12/08/17: Day 6 adjusting to Seroquel - Meeting a friend after the session in Ubud and watching the sunset at Batu Belig beach, Seminyak. This is when I know that everything's going to be alright. 

12/08/17: Day 6 adjusting to Seroquel - Meeting a friend after the session in Ubud and watching the sunset at Batu Belig beach, Seminyak. This is when I know that everything's going to be alright. 

The most important takeaway from all of this is that please please please try to get to know yourself better. Despite my experience of battling depression for years, I am still not familiar enough with my cycle and triggers. There’s always something new coming up every month. I’m not sure how my brain continues to find ways to go haywire. But I always try to note down any new symptoms or triggers whenever I can to prevent the same one from happening in the future. And I think you should too. It'll be so much easier to stay stable if you know what's been triggering you. 😇

If you need someone to talk to about mental health issue, I'm here for you. You can either book a reading if you need my help to perform a reading on your problems, or you can share your story with me in the comments below. You can also ask me any questions about mental illness and different ways to get better through my Twitter. Or if you're not feeling comfortable sharing it publicly, you can always contact me here. Stay healthy and stay stable, everyone! ❤️

3 tips to flirt your way into his heart during Venus in Gemini, and more!

Foxglove Tarot Bali - Venus in Gemini (copyright Jared Sluyter).jpg

Keep those butterflies in your stomach because I’m going to teach you how to release them to the right person this week! 🌸

Venus is transiting in Gemini this week on the 5th until 31st of July 2017. It is the time for this fun, flirtatious love sign to work its magic for all single ladies out there (yes, you are probably included). Venus in Gemini’s energy will feel like a tickle on your stomach, causing you to release awkward flirts or small talks for your crush. This need to burst out some flirts might feel like a ticking bomb or a shocking punch to the gut. At some point, you’ll feel like you need to do something about it like call your crush and ask them out on a date or something. But if you don’t know how to do it the right way, you might want to keep the urge in your pants before being ended up in an awkward situation.

Here are my tips to get your crush’s attention while keeping your restless heart to calm 👏 the fuck 👏 down 👏:

 

Use your newly found confidence! (with caution)

Venus in Gemini energy helps to build your confidence. It will feel like you can say anything to your crush and totally get away with it. Hey, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn't be wise about it. If you’ve been considering to take them out on a date but you don’t want to be the one to text them first, throw your dating handbook out of the door and just go for it. Stop waiting for things to happen, and make it happen instead. Venus in Gemini is almost like a nothing-to-lose season for shy lovers. If you’re really nervous, and you need a push for it, email me, and I’ll send you some cool dog meme.

Be witty, and most importantly, friendly.

You will never run out of things to talk about during Venus in Gemini. Gemini is a sign known for their wordsmith and witty jokes. It’s time to put these traits into the groove. Seduce your crush with conversations, and I promise you they will remember to call you back. Watch some rom-com movies and see how a protagonist beguiles his lover using witty jokes. My favorite go-to for this is Master of None. But most importantly, be friendly. Be someone who can listen to their story and give feedback in return. Sometimes the best way to get into someone’s heart is by being their best friend first, don’t you think so?

Be honest.

Honesty is always rewarded positively regardless of which planet is in transit. But particularly during Venus in Gemini, where temptation is literally everywhere (even in your neighbourhood). Venus in Gemini will feed your curiosity to try and flirt with someone new, and without you know it, you might be dating several people at once. If it happens, be honest to all parties about your situation. Tell them that you’re not that into commitment right now and you enjoy getting and giving attention to different lovers. You don’t want to lead someone on and eventually reap a bad karma, right? Yup no.

They’re not sold? Go date someone else instead.

Hey it’s not like you’re running out of lovers anyway, right? Kiddingggg.


❤️  Tips for Lovers ❤️

Happily attached? Channel your desire to your loved one instead.

Venus in Gemini has the perfectly concocted energy for infidelity, something to watch out for those who are happily attached. If you are one of those couples, you might want to curb or resist the urge to message someone else just for fun. You should keep their trust, especially if your partner is emotionally invested in you since Venus in Gemini is merely a temporary transit. This temporary fling might not last forever, am I right?

Hey, um, but I’m in an open relationship.

If you’re keeping things open with your loved one, focus this flirtatious energy to find new playmates for both of you to make a new connection. Rather than going separate ways with Tinder, you two can be a team by using Feeld instead. Just click the link, you’ll thank me later (wink wink).

Photo via Jared Sluyter - Unsplash


Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

New Moon in Cancer: Finding a Sense of Completion within You

In the picture: The Moon and The Priestess of Thoth Tarot by Aleister Crowley | Cancer Gold Bracelet and Goddess Moonstone Ring by COVEN

In the picture: The Moon and The Priestess of Thoth Tarot by Aleister Crowley | Cancer Gold Bracelet and Goddess Moonstone Ring by COVEN

Have you been feeling melancholic recently? Well, surprise! The New Moon in Cancer is happening tonight. Be prepared for an emotional roller coaster. Or if you're already on the ride, it's time to finally acknowledge our flaws and fill our lack with positive endeavors.

The New Moon is a sign for us to begin our rebirth. Unlike Full Moon, New Moon clears our old, destructive habit to give space for new, positive energy. Being in the Cancer sphere, this month’s New Moon touches Cancer’s area of focus such as home, healing, security, and family. It’ll remind us of the things that we’re lack in our lives, and what we have to do to complete it. But of course, it’s not going to be as easy as it sounds.

As of now, we have a total of four planets located in Cancer that helps to enhance the energy: The Sun, the Moon, Mercury, and Mars. All four planets are connected in trine aspect with Uranus in Aries, highlighting the blessing of inner strength and independence that Cancer bestows upon us this week. However, Mars’ trine with Neptune Retrograde in Pisces and the square aspect with Jupiter in Libra tells me that despite our effort to be independent, we are also hindering our progress with our crave for intimacy and security. This month’s New Moon, along with the three other planets that in conjunct around it, is a wake-up call for us to set our priorities straight.

Cancer is a cardinal water sign. A strong, independent leader with a nurturing flair – influenced by its sensitive ruler, the Moon. But its independence may rely entirely on someone else’s dependency on them. A happy Cancerian is someone who has fulfilled their need for a happy domestic life while being able to support someone else in their free time. They will only aim for a successful future if they know that it will be worthwhile for their family in the end.

For some people, the energy of New Moon in Cancer can be translated as the need to form a family, the need to put their loved ones first, or the need to protect what they already have. Some people may feel a surge of despair being surrounded by wealth without someone to share. Eventually, it points to our theme of the week: completion. You will only feel secure when your needs are fulfilled, whether it's emotionally or physically. You may also long for the warm and cozy feeling within you, something that a Cancerian will never lack due to their empathetic nature. If you notice anything that's missing in your life, this New Moon in Cancer is the time for you to reflect upon it.

Here are some tips to get a sense of completion on New Moon in Cancer:
 

Create your sacred space

Do you have a place in your home that you consider as sacred? If you don’t, find a nook or choose an area to be your personal sacred space. It is a space where you can do your personal me time. Whether to read, relax, or nap, the area should be comfortable enough to be your safe haven. Once you have made a home within a home, keep the space clean and tidy. Get rid of things that can disrupt your Zen and replace it with items that give you a sense of comfort. 

Find out what’s weighing you down

New Moon in Cancer will tap into your emotion. And if you're sensitive to an emotional sting, the energy can really weigh you down. You need to face the discomfort within you to set yourself free. Is there any issue that needs to be forgiven? Is there anything that you’ve been wanting to do or say but never got the chance? Resolve the issue or make peace with yourself. It's time to release the burden once and for all.

Give yourself some much-needed self-love

You're not as strong as you look, and that's okay. There's no need to punish yourself for feeling intensely or for needing time to unwind. We all have our weakness. It's our job to address where we're lack and provide ourselves with love and support. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, watch the movie that your boyfriend would never watch with you, and appreciate what you've done for yourself.

Spend some quality time with the family

The New Moon in Cancer is coincidentally (although I think it's NOT coincidental) close to the Hari Raya Idul Fitri. Some of you might have gone home to see your family, which is exactly how we should celebrate these two events (FYI, Cancer is known to be the universal sign of family). This week, go back to your root and enjoy some quality time with your loved ones. Make yourself feel whole again. If you don't have anyone in your family to spend time with, at least enjoy a company of a group that nurtures you.

Heal yourself

Sometimes all you need is to slow down and relax when everything is too overwhelming. Take some time off to address your health, your emotion, or your feelings (see the first tips!). You can also see a doctor or a healer to help you with any blockage in your chakra. In fact, I just went to see an ophthalmologist for the first time today to check my eyes. (Spoiler: Apparently I'm short-sighted, sigh.) Anyway, my point is, your health is important and it should be your number one priority this week (or any days in your life, really!).

I hope the New Moon in Cancer tonight brings you the much needed emotional cleansing to find out what’s been hindering you from your growth. We are never perfect, but we are whole. Once you understand where your weaknesses are, you can slowly weave a more fully developed spiritual path for yourself.

Have a great New Moon night, witchlings!


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

Magical Honey Lavender Lemonade Recipe for Litha

Honey Lavender Lemonade Recipe for Litha by Foxglove Tarot Bali (01)

Happy Litha, everyone!

In case you've never heard of it, Litha is one of the Pagans' and Wiccans' Sabbats to celebrate the midsummer solstice. It is celebrated on June 22nd, where the day is longer than usual, making it the perfect day to celebrate the power of the Sun God. On this day, witches celebrate the festival by performing various rituals to honor the sun, such as bonfire festival, barbecue, or just sunbathing to enjoy the sun’s warm, masculine, energy.

Well, I think I’m going to celebrate it by going to the beach today while enjoying my homemade brewed Magical Honey Lavender Lemonade. I accidentally stumbled across this recipe from FitFoodieFinds while I was browsing through Pinterest, and this sounds just perfect (and so so so simple) for the lazy me to start the rest of my day. I may have tweaked it with a little bit of magical touch, but nevertheless, you can still drink the brew anytime you wish. 

Here you go!

My Lavender-Infused Honey Syrup, stored in a recycled Darbo Jam jar.

My Lavender-Infused Honey Syrup, stored in a recycled Darbo Jam jar.


Ingredients


Lavender-Infused Honey Syrup
1/2 cup of mineral water
1/2 cup of honey (I use Acacia Honey because the floral flavor blends well with the brew)
1 tablespoon dried lavender (I’m using the lavender flower tea by Hanayo Tea since it's difficult to find any lavender plants here)

Honey Lavender Lemonade Spell
"May this brew brings me the renewal I need
Or the clarity to walk my path despite my misdeed
May my wishes manifest on this special Sabbat
With no harm done to anything or anyone
By the powers of Air, Fire, Water, and Earth
May my journey be pure and prosper henceforth
So mote it be!" 


Honey Lavender Lemonade recipe (for one serving)
3/4 cup of lemon juice
1/2 cup of mineral water
3/4 cup lavender-infused honey syrup
Sugar (if necessary)

Acacia Honey

Acacia Honey

Lavender Flower Tea by Hanayo Tea

Lavender Flower Tea by Hanayo Tea

Honey Lavender Lemonade Recipe for Litha by Foxglove Tarot Bali (03)

How to make this:


First, start by making the Lavender-Infused Honey Syrup as your base

  1. Place all the ingredients in a saucepan and boil them.
  2. Once boiling, simmer it for 5 minutes.
  3. Stir it while reciting the spell until the honey is mixed well with the water. Don’t forget to visualize your wish while doing the sequence. Litha is a great day to wish for renewal, purification, empowerment, or prosperity. Time to tap into that solar energy, witches!
  4. Place it in a container (I use a recycled jam jar for this) and store it into a fridge for overnight (at least 8 hours).
  5. You can strain the lavender before serving. Or not, because I love eating them hehe.

Once you’re done, you can use the syrup to make a few servings of the Honey Lavender Lemonade

  1. Place all the ingredients, along with the syrup, into a cup or a pitcher, and mix it.
  2. You can add sugar if necessary. Sugar helps to enhance your brew’s power.
  3. Add some ice and drink it while enjoying the sun.
  4. You can also leave out a small amount of the lemonade as an offering to the Sun God – or any gods that you’ve been working with.

Hope you have a great Litha! And don't forget to tell me how your lemonade goes! Mine is purrrfect. Hohoho. Do you have any other recipe or ways to celebrate Litha that you can share with me? Leave it in the comments below! ☺️🌞


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

How to keep up with reality during Neptune Retrograde

Niti K - Unsplash - Foxglove Tarot Bali - Neptune Retrograde

Dreaming of a better tomorrow is always good for the soul. But what if the reality is bleaker than your fantasy? Will you accept it, or will you keep the illusion alive?

These are the questions that we need to ask while Neptune is turning retrograde from June 16th to November 22nd, 2017.

As the planet of dreams and illusion, Neptune is in charge of creating smoke and mirrors to your reality. When Neptune moves direct, you’ll get to see a bigger picture of your goals, instead of focusing what’s in front of you. Even the harsh reality will not seem so bad for us. Hey, Neptune makes anything looks and feels possible, okay. Just like Photoshop for the soul.

Now that we’re in a Neptune retrograde period, we’ll get to encounter more of that deer in the headlights moment when faced with the truth. No more sugar coating for us. The reality will come as it is, regardless of how bleak or uninspiring it is. Except for psychics or those with heightened sensitivity, you might get overload information instead. Anyway, please avoid any drugs or addiction that can blur your judgment.

But don’t worry! You’ll get the hang of it once you know how Neptune retrograde can benefit you.

Wakey, wakey! It’s evaluation time!

Let’s say you’ve been in a long term relationship with someone and you feel the need to bring it to the next level. With Neptune moving retrograde you’ll begin to question the need and evaluate it before popping the question. Neptune will lift the veil for you and bring the reality right to your front door. It's not going to be all pretty since the flaws will make up just as much as the good stuff, btw.

What to do: Make sure you consider both the advantage and the red flags before you decide on any long-term commitment, whether in love, career, or finance.

Stop living a lie.

Neptune retrograde will feel surreal, particularly for those who live in pretense or strive in their own La La Land. Your greatest fear will rise to the surface. And for those who have been running away from it, will only experience it over and over again. You can try, but I suggest you face the music and dance. Accept the shadow as a part of you. Accept that you can’t always win in life. For example, if your financial situation hasn’t been doing well, admit it, and plan a strategy to increase your income. Neptune Retrograde is a great time to stop the escapism and find new ways to cope with reality.

What to do: If you’ve been telling yourself that everything is going to be okay (even though it won’t), you should stop at once, accept the harsh fact, and do something about it.

Let’s embrace spirituality!

The retrograde movement makes it a great period to learn and immerse yourself in spirituality. As the planet of psychic ability and intuition, the Neptune retrograde will heighten your senses to perceive things beyond the usual context. Get a better sense of who you are and what is your purpose in this world. You might have a clearer idea of what to do when you can finally internalize your fear of uncertainty.

What to do:  Do more meditation or yoga, or read more spiritual self-help books. I’m currently reading Be Here Now by Ram Dass. You should give it a try!

They say "Ignorance is a bliss". But to me, it's better to know the truth than living an unsatisfactory life, especially if it can cause more problem in the future. What do you think?

Trouble in paradise? Get your personalized Neptune retrograde reading with me today!  Click here to book a session.


Photo credit: Niti K - Unsplash


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.