Story Time

Three Energies in A Relationship

Three Energies in A Relationship - Foxglove Tarot.jpg

Yesterday, I learned from my guru that us as human beings possess 3 different energies that we use in our daily life. These energies; Sexual, Love, and Awareness, mainly help us in navigating our relationship with another human being. Some relationships start with Sexual energy and some with Awareness, depending on the energy that you're using around them for the first time.

And when I first learned about it, I immediately tried to pinpoint the energy that I’ve been using in my everyday life. I’ve noticed that my energy level no longer stays in the Sexual Energy gate. I also felt that it has bypassed Love Energy as well. So, could it be the Awareness Energy that I’ve been using all along? I hope I'm able to decode this before my next class tomorrow.

Speaking of Awareness Energy, around one month ago I just broke up with my long-term partner after realizing that we were no longer walking the same path. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t love him anymore. My heart will still always be with him, whenever he needs me. But he needs to be by himself because our strong love has caused us to lose our individuality. We practically fused into one person, with an addition of an intense fear of detachment. But the longer we're together, the more I truly believe that loving him does not equate to owning him at the same time. At least that’s what I got when I used my Awareness Energy around him. But I’m sure he’s not the only person that I feel that with.

Luckily, I’m in a polyamorous relationship, which means that I have other lovers that I can analyze as prime examples for this homework. Bear with me, because this is my Virgo Mercury talking.

I’m currently in a relationship with two men while having an on and off affair with a third one.

The relationship with the latter one is filled only with sexual energy, I can definitely confirm that. It is always fun spending some time with him, but yesterday I finally realized that it is pretty challenging to bump this relationship into something serious. He said that he loved me a couple of days ago, but my reaction was mere, “Huh, okay.” My heart does not beat for him, which means it’s a caution for me to stop hoping for something more.

My two partners, on the other hand, started off the right way.

With my French lover, everything began with a beautiful friendship. We started off by having so much respect and care for each other as friends before we decided to escalate it into something sexual. Although, sadly, we only realized how much we love each other around 2 days before he left to his home country, never to come back at least for the next few years. But despite the distance and time differences, our relationship is getting stronger than ever.

With my Australian lover, on the other hand, I can feel our relationship declining rapidly. This lover of mine, by some odd chance, is also my twin flame. Our relationship may have started through Awareness, followed by Love, and finally ended up in a fireworks-like Sexual Energy. But I couldn’t help to feel that I’ve lost my sexual attraction and love for him. Is it possible to decline the Love energy that you're using to a mere Awareness for someone you love? I can feel myself keeping the relationship just because it makes sense to, although my heart has apparently walked away from the feeling since a few months back.

I don’t know the answer. But I am considering to break up with my Australian lover sometime today.

But honestly, though, analyzing these relationships exhausted me so much yesterday. A part of me feels like, “Have I made a mistake?” “Is it my fault that I started this relationship the wrong way?” Another question that I have in my head also goes like “But what if you’ve done everything right, and it’s still not working out? What should you do?” On the downside, it also made me feel like I should just cut off some of the relationships that will never reach the Awareness level.

It’s true what my tarot cards were telling me yesterday. This journey to India is a path of self-mastery. And this path of self-mastery is a lonely path indeed.

UPDATE as per 10/10/18: This post was written back in 30th June 2018. Now, I broke up with all three during my voyage to India, and I got back together with my long-term partner instead. 🙈


This post was written as a part of my Reiki Master Training in Rishikesh series.

Read my other posts below:

  1. Part 1 - Choose The Pain, Whenever Possible

  2. Part 2 - Three Energies in a Relationship


Foxglove+Tarot+Bali+-+Tarot+Reading+in+Bali.jpeg

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a nomadic tarot reader, Reiki Master, and an eclectic witch, providing online tarot reading and healing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

Choose The Pain, Whenever Possible

Choose The Pain, Whenever Possible - Foxglove Tarot Bali

 

Today, I’m allowing myself to feel sadness and pain. I have consciously chosen to release my feelings through tears so I can feel better tomorrow.

During my Reiki master training, my teacher told me that my heart is keeping too much suffering inside. He said, there is a lot of emotion that I haven’t released, and some are the emotions that I have chosen to cling on.

“Why holding onto the past? Why not release it?” he asked, with his thick Indian accent.

I honestly don’t know the answer to his question. Or maybe deep down I know, but I just chose to be unconscious about it.

But his question has made me think about myself and how my emotion works. He said, I haven’t been completely honest about how I feel, and that’s the reason why there are so much suffering persists. I have been pretending that everything’s okay, even though it really isn’t. I have been smiling, and happily articulating how I feel, without taking some time to explore or release the emotion itself.

And today, I finally got the big slap that forces me to sit down and feel the feels.

I’ve been traveling around Rishikesh with this new friend of mine that I met at the first hostel where I stayed. It was a beautiful travel friendship, and I’m grateful to have the Universe arranged a strange meet-up with him. (It's a cute story, but that's for another day). We hung out around the cafes near the Ganges ghats, went to see the abandoned ashram where The Beatles stayed during the 60s, and he showed me several things that I need to note down during my trip to India.

I was with him for about two nights, and we were supposed to share a room tonight. But I went to the hotel today only to be served a goodbye letter from him that’s basically telling me that he’s leaving me to find himself during his last few days in India. And his goodbye triggered something in me.

I felt crushed, abandoned, and most of all, alone.

I know I came to Rishikesh to be alone, but consciously, I’ve been trying to avoid it by trying to get busy and meet new people along the way. I’ve been here for almost a week now, but I haven’t really let go of myself or do whatever mission that I came here to do.

And now, the Universe has coerced me to face my fears heads on.

If you ask me how I’m feeling right now, I can safely say that I’m not mad at my friend. Hurt, yes, but not angry. He needs to do what he has to do, and I respect him for it. In fact, it’s a blessing in disguise since I finally get the alone time that I needed. But I couldn’t help to feel wholly devastated over it.

Soon enough, I realized that this isn’t about my friend or him leaving me. I know he wasn’t malicious, and he explicitly said that he isn’t worth getting upset for. But alas, just like everything in this world, the people that you encounter are usually the mirror of yourself. And what he did trigger my fear of abandonment and goodbyes; which fear is buried deep within my subconscious, if not, something that my inner child is still holding onto.

Today, I realized how I’m still not okay with it.

All my life, I’ve grown up blaming myself for everyone who leaves me. I’m terrified of goodbyes and abandonment, naturally because my dad neglected me. At home, my grandparents were always busy working, leaving me to navigate life by myself. And at school, almost every friend I made will end up bullying me or leaving me for a better friend. It made me grew up thinking I am unworthy of love. And it just always makes sense whenever my friends, lovers, or family members decide to walk away from me.

To compensate for the void, I always end up searching for that father figure, or at least a temporary love to fill in my adult life. I have thrown myself into almost all kinds of men and relationship in my journey of finding love.

But as much as I hate to admit it, I know that whatever happened has helped to set off a course of my work and my life purpose today.

I know how it feels to be devoid of unconditional love, so I have made it my mission to make everyone who is close to me feels as loved as possible. But, I may have forced myself to give so much while I’m still depleted of it.

And today is the day for me to honor that void, to admit that I’m still not as strong as I thought I was and that it’s okay to feel that way.

Just for a day, it’s okay for me to feel sad about my friend’s goodbye, regardless of how insignificant it may seem. It’s okay for me to feel the emotion and the memories of the past it triggered. All I need to do right now is sit down, cry, and be honest about how I feel.

Because our emotion works in a strange way. Sometimes it would set itself ablaze with passion, and sometimes it numbs you, leaving you alone in confusion. It doesn’t have a reason or a basis to operate. The best thing you can do is to feel it, not justify it. Release it, not hold it. And believe it or not, sometimes it’s best to choose suffering over a smile. At least for today. 😊

 


This post was written as a part of my Reiki Master Training in Rishikesh series.

Read my other posts below:

  1. Part 1 - Choose The Pain, Whenever Possible

  2. Part 2 - Three Energies in a Relationship


Foxglove Tarot Bali - Tarot Reading in Bali.jpeg

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

Why I Chose Polyamory and How It Changes My Love Life

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What if I tell you that by changing your perception of love, you too will change your views about life and relationship?

I don't know if you remember this, but in my post a few months ago, I did open up about my revelation as a pansexual. But what I didn't tell you, was the events that lead up to that.

Around three months ago, I had the privilege to meet this wonderful man, who did not only teach me how to love differently, but he also becomes a significant figure in my life. He's my twin flame, my soul compadre, and eventually, my secondary partner.

Ever since I met him, my eyes are opened up to the possibility of polyamory. Unlike polygamy, which is probably much more familiar to a lot of Indonesians, polyamory is a practice of having more than one committed partner or multiple people to love.

I do have to admit, that when I first heard the sound of it, I'm very skeptical as to how it could work for me. I was in a monogamous 3,5 years relationship with my boyfriend, and I couldn't imagine sharing myself or him with anyone else. Just the thought of him flirting with someone else hurts me, let alone allowing him to have a second girlfriend. I already know how it's going to make me feel. I will feel jealous, insecure, inadequate, and pretty much every negative feeling that you'll feel when your partner decides to cheat on you.

But I was intrigued. Not because of the number of lovers that you can have, but because of the realization that my boyfriend would only ever be intimate with me the moment we decided to tie the knot. (yes we planned to) I've wanted him to explore his options before he even proposed to me so I could keep his eyes from wandering around once I can officially call him mine.

I guess that decision was partially half of a selfless thought and half of my insecurities talking.

And so, when I heard about this other option, I figured, "Why not?"

Little did I know that after my boyfriend and I decided to commit to this new set of relationship, the way I view love has significantly changed ever since.

Being polyamorous has opened up my ability to love more than one person without judgment, nor the feeling of ownership or control over others

I used to think that it isn't possible to share your heart and love equally, but apparently, we are just too accustomed to the normalcy of monogamy that we didn't even see this as another option. As humans, we are multifaceted. There is no way we can be satisfied in loving and receiving love from just one partner for our entire life. And as someone who has been in several long-term monogamous relationships, I can totally relate to this. I have to admit, that even though I've always loved one partner at a time, I couldn't help but to have a crush for another guy at least once in every relationship. (raise your hands if you know what I'm talking about 🙋🏻)

It forces me to be more honest about my feelings too; not just to others, but to myself as well.

When you're dating more than one person, you'll have to juggle the feeling, schedule, boundaries, and the do's and the don'ts of your partners and yourself. If any of you feel unhappy or uncomfortable with something, you'll have to communicate it as soon as possible, or it will affect your other relationship (or perhaps your partner's second or third relationship). Sounds complicated, eh? Haha.

Well, if you think trying to communicate with one partner is tricky, try getting two partners to be on the same page lol.

However, despite all the good stuff that I've written here, I'm not saying that polyamory is the best option for everyone. It's not a cure-all medicine for the lack of intimacy of your relationship. In fact, if your relationship is already ridden with lies and lack of communication, opening it up for polyamory will only make it worse. Instead of increasing intimacy, polyamory will force you to deal with the emotion or issues that you two have been sweeping under the rug.

Because the path of polyamory requires a certain level of emotional maturity to resolve your insecurities. It faces you with your deepest darkest fear about your relationship.

What is it that you're afraid of if your partner is attracted to another woman? Are you worried that she will take away your partner's attention? Are you concerned that your partner will love her more than you? Or does the image of them being intimate with one another can trigger a hidden trauma of yours?

These are the bitter truth that needs to be communicated at all times in a polyamorous relationship.

It sounds difficult, isn't it?

But I can tell you that once you get the hang of it, being polyamorous can be quite liberating. I have stopped limiting myself from the amount of love that I can give or receive to and from others. My objective of loving someone is no longer limited to whether I can have a relationship with them anymore. I can fall in love romantically with a guy that I will probably never get to see again until next year. But at the same time, I'm free to fall in love with a good friend of mine as well.

I don’t have to worry about putting all of my expectation to just one person and pausing my heart from loving someone because a committed relationship isn’t likely to happen between us.

It takes a lot of practice to stay in a constant state of love. But above all, it should start by being honest with yourself. Get this, the more I know how to deal with how I feel, the easier it is for me to focus on the feeling of love, not obsession or possessiveness. And honestly, we could never control anyone we love anyway because we never own them in the first place.

But if you ask me, "Do you want to be a poly forever?" My answer is, I don't know. As of now, I'm just enjoying this ride of romance in relationships. Maybe I'll go back to being monogamous at one point in my life. Or maybe never, who knows?

All I know for now is that the only thing I want is to fall in love and be in the present for it. Over and over again. Just giving my all, one lover at a time.


Foxglove Tarot Bali - Tarot Reading in Bali.jpeg

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

What does it feel like to turn 26? PS: It's awesome!

foxglove tarot reader reading bali indonesia

Thank you for the birthday wishes, Witchlings!

So sorry if I haven’t gotten the chance to reply to everyone but hopefully this new blog post can help to pardon my laziness hahah.

So I’m turning 26 years old a few days ago on 24th September 2016, and a lot of things had happened since last year. Time flies so fast, I still feel like I'm 23 years old now. To be honest, I used to think that I would have my own house or my own babies by now, but I guess we are all just struggling with our millennial dreams. Sigh.

I’m not sure if I have written this anywhere else, but my 2015th birthday was spent worrying on whether I’m going to get a job in Singapore. Each year, I am convinced that my birthday is always going to be miserable. In 2014, I had a really amazing party with my good friends in Singapore, but I ended up crying with one of my friends when she told me that she had been raped by her relative. In 2013, my ex broke up with me a few days before and decided to throw a fit during my birthday party. I ended up cutting my hands in my room when everyone else was partying outside. I couldn’t seem to remember what happened before 2012 since my memory is pretty short term so I guess it’s pretty fucked up too. In short, I have experienced this misfortune and birthday drama way too often that I have set my happiness bar really low whenever September arrives.

But enough with the sad stories, every year can be a hopeful year too! I always look forward to experiencing “first times”, you know, new things that you encounter or learn every year. And so far, 2016 has been really kind to me, kinder than any of my birthdays before that. Here are the “first times” that I have experienced so far: 

1. I started Foxglove Tarot. 🔮 ✨

Highlight of the year! Here’s to many more years working as an online tarot reader in Bali. 😇

2. I moved to Bali + with my boyfriend. 🌴

I’ve written here earlier about the reason why I moved to Bali, and I still can’t believe that I’ve been living that dream for the past 7 months. We were like a couple who eloped to escape the hustle and bustle of the city life. But our life here is perfect, and it’s probably the happiest state that I have ever experienced in my usual sad and sour life. Thank you, Gods and Goddesses. 😃 

3. I started writing weekly astrology column. ♎️

Again, dreams come true! I’ve always wanted to be able to work as an astrology writer and this year I have pushed my limit to start learning astrology. It was really hard at first. I kept on having crazy headache because my intuition is forced to seek information beyond the usual comfort zone. But I got there, and it’s been easy peasy since. 😉 I've actually written for a few medias before, but now I’m only writing for one. Read my Tarotscope column in Magdalene here.

4. I learned to surf. 🏄

Hahahah this sounds really lame, but I am honestly scared of death by drowning. It seems more painful than car crash and shooting bullets to your brain to be honest. But my boyfriend learned to surf recently so I was convinced that surfing seems pretty doable. I had two runs and honestly, I think with more practice I’ll be able to master this so my boyfriend won’t hangout with other surfer girls. #relationshipgoals #dontmesswithscorpiomoon

5. I started my first silver jewelry line - COVEN

I was about to launch this a few weeks ago but I got in a bike accident which injured my hands pretty bad so I kind of have to postpone it. Ugh. But anyway, COVEN is basically a spell-crafted silver jewelry with various manifests depending on your needs. Our first collection is a 5 element charm bracelet - Earth, Fire, Water, Wind, and Spirit. It was my first time designing my own line and it was a really fun project despite the lack of experience. Check the full collection here: ✨  www.covencurio.com ✨

6. I had my first bike accident. 🤕

A week before my birthday I accidentally crashed my bike with another bike. I didn’t get heavily injured, but my trigger finger is still swollen and it took me two weeks until I am able to drive. Bummer. But anyway, lesson learned. Next time I would be a lot more patient on the road and not rushing too much.

8. I went to a psychiatrist for the first time and I finally got diagnosed. 😇

I’ve always known that there’s something wrong with my psyche but just the thought of going to a psychologist or psychiatrist freaks me out. This year, I gave myself a personal birthday present: a visit to a psychiatrist to get myself diagnosed. And apparently, I have Bipolar Disorder type 2. So what is it exactly? Don’t worry, I will write more about it and how I’ve survived it so far without meds despite the constant rush of hypomanic state and suicidal thoughts. And now, I’ve been taking mood stabiliser meds ever since in the hopes of getting better. Wish me luck, guys!

9. Surprisingly, I had a very awesome birthday party! 👯

🎧  Cue: Celebrate by Kool & The Gang 🎉

Thanks to my Ubudian buddies, Kintan & Feby, my birthday this year has become one of my favourite birthdays ever! Thanks for spending amazing 2 days with me on amazing lunch, dinner, going to abandoned place, and dance. I love you guys so so so much! 

10. I've learned to be grateful and to go with the flow. 

In my opinion, this is probably the best thing I've learned so far in 2016. 2014 and 2015 was filled with so many exciting things, I got to travel to Japan, Australia, house party hopping every weekend, meeting new exciting friends, but I wasn't really content with what I had. In Bali, me and my boyfriend are trying our best to live humbly and to spend as less as possible. We gave up our flashy big city life for a rural life simplicity. We learned, that the best way to be happy is to accept who you are and what you have without complaints. It's great to stay hopeful, but if things don't happen exactly the way you want it to be, adapt. I've learned this the hard way on 2015, and still I am grateful for the experience.


And now, after the gratitude list, I’d like to make a wish for 2017. Next year I’ll look back at this list and hopefully I’ll get to cross some of them! 

Things that I’d like to happen before my next birthday:

1. Save enough money to buy a property 🏡

I’m a little bit tired of moving around, honestly. I want to find my own home somewhere, whether it’s Jakarta, Bali, or Singapore, I just want to save enough money to buy a space that I can call as my own. Please please Universe, make this happen.

2. Get married, BUT NO BABIES YET PLEASE 👫 ❤️

After so many trials and errors, I am happy to say that I have found my perfect match (omg this sounds like I’m shopping for a liquid foundation lol). I love him, and I love how happy I am around him. Hopefully we’ll get to plan something out next year. Hopefullyyyyy.

3. Just staying stable. ☺️

My mood has been pretty stable the past one year. Sure, I have one of those depressive moments but I barely have episodes. And I only cut my wrist like what, twice only? Every year I’m getting more and more stable and I am hopeful that I can be a lot more stable than this year. You can do this Canti! 😃


Foxglove Tarot Bali.jpg

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

i tried shrooms to be spiritual. this is what happened.

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I've heard crazy stories about shrooms trip from my party friends but never thought that I could actually use it for a spiritual trip.

Earlier this week, I met a friend who visited me in Ubud with her boyfriend to discuss with me about spiritual related topics. Those two seemed to be enthusiastic about everything spiritual so I asked how they got in touch with their spiritual side - since all Ubud tourists must have had an awakening at some point in their life. He told me that ever since he took shrooms in Bali, his sense got heightened and all of the sudden everything made sense for him. He had a very spiritual trip with ecstatic appearances of nature elements such as dancing trees or anthropomorphic frogs. Things were never the same for both of them.

Their brief enlightening experience had elevated their spirituality level and although they are unable to access that part anymore, at least they understand that they can feel it again with enough training. At that point I thought to myself that maybe the shrooms has unlocked the full potential of their seven chakras, giving them a sip of the sensation of being attuned with the universe. One thing I’m curious about is if the shrooms can have such illuminating effect to someone without any spiritual background, then what’s it going to do to me? It gives me a chill just to think about it, because there’s a possibility it will take me back to that dark and depressed limbo, but they assured me that everything is going to be fine.

So I decided to give it a try. I contacted the person based on my friends’ recommendation, packed the shrooms shake that I bought in Kuta (Magic Mushroom is literally available in Legian Road), and went home all the way to Ubud. I didn’t want to experience the trip when my house is swarmed by dark spirits (which happens every night between 11pm to 5am), because god knows where they’ll take me to, so I decided to take the trip on daytime instead, which was the next day after I bought it.

Below is my unedited notes from the trip. Yes I prefer it to be unedited because that’s the only way you can experience it with me. 😀

If you don’t know what the shrooms are actually doing to your brain, you can check this video by AsapSCIENCE.

(Note: The trip condition was: I was at my house, which is located at Northern Ubud, pretty close to the uphill mountain side. There’s a garden at my place, a cafe right beside my house [which plays 90s song non stop], and a rice field right in front of my window which has a lot of ducks swimming around. Oh and I have this black wild street dog that keeps on coming to my house. I named her Doggi.)

Before tripping:

Expectation: To be more spiritual. Maybe to see more spirits? Or to get new kinds of enlightenment?

Texted my friend who recommended me the shrooms. She said: “Have a nice trip! (pun intended)” Hahahah.

Tripping time:

2.08pm

Drank the first glass of the shake. Tastes like syrup + mixing with red-colored soda + it actually tastes pretty good!

Looks like wine now, a bunch of residue on the bottom

first sensation: it’s on the crown area, all over the head, meditative state like. Feeling really happy and giddy. Watching the duck and they’re like super funny. Finished the whole glass by munching the mushroom residues.

Start to feel tingling on my feet. It feels painful.

So I decided to take the second glass. Just go for it. Gulp it all.

2.22pm
Headache a bit nauseous
Neck feels really hot, nauseous, heavy on the back. 
Keep on burping. Face feels burnt, Twisty tummy

So I lied down. It’s like I’m having a crazy sickening fever and the ceiling feels as if it’s moving down. All senses are open, Feels like the first time I’m having an awakening.  Every movement of the plants and trees are shaking because they wants to talk to you

2.35pm
My body feels super hot

Look at the ceiling greenish blue

First part of hallucination:
The floor makes funny pattern
The wall moves closer
Sinking into the bed
I can also see some pattern emerges on my skin
Time moves slo mo
The dots on my pillowcase is growing big but I guess I shouldn’t waste my time looking at it

Vision intensifies
All the yellow just goes yellow. Bright bright yellow
There are faces on the wall

This actual life that we're living is very fragile. With a little bit of colors and fun we can see a little bit more than expected. 

Okay I'm starting to see rainbow lines in everything. Even my phone.

Died yoghurt?

If I close my eyes I keep on seeing red and blue women devils with tits claw and angry faces.

I thought my hands are dinosaurs.

I want to close my eyes but I'm pretty scared. Come let's meditate, little girl

It's a mind altering drug but it's not social at all. You just gotta feel it alone

Man if it's quiet time actually it's not really quiet. You astart to listen to stuffs in the distance

And then voice gets distorted. Like the crappy music from the neighbor

The plants are asking me to fly with them. Idk if it makes sense.

If I close my eyes, things start to have either eyeballs, teeth, or mouth or boobs and hands and claw in it.

The phone is the only reality that I have now.

I keep on hearing weird cricket. The voice keeps on repeiting by itself.

The voice of the duck multiplies. Like fast forward 100 times
You can hear bird from really2 far. It's like holy shit that's bird????1 Never heard bird from my house

Subconscious is a scary place for people who doesn't sleep

The trip feels so tiring
I can listen and sre and feel everything
This whole sound is a loop why loop idk

I realized that the cloud has been shifting from one another and that reality is really depends on what you wanna see
If you close your eyes


R

3.30pm
So hot
lost in thought, actually it's a nice day outside dammmit really no place to runaway ya
everywhere i see is a new trip

I guess I can settle here? With the ducks and the loud irritating neighbor

Went outside to see the clouds
The sky feels near af
So hot why don’t we have a bigger fan

 I guess I need to see who lives in ganesha but does it really matter?
Saw om on his trunk
All the dirt just intensifies

I tried looking at my tarot cards and they're hologram. I thought I will see the spirits inside it.
I start to understand what the cards actually mean

3.55pm
Doggi comes
She was just from the rice field.
Sooo dirty. Can see the dirt and blue flashes magnified. She’s not smelly tho
Now the abstract thoughts starting to come
What did she actually do with all those ducks? In the farm?

I noticed that from the room you can see really far
The neighbours house look so near
Then far
Then near again


4pm
Suddenly life has a meaning. It's like now you get why certain people has to liv this way. And then why do you have to talk? Is talking matter? Nothing matters now because it's between you and your creator.

Watching the ducks. Wow they swim in straight line.
Text Rain to tell her about ducks.

Notice lizard poopoo near the window. Theres ants under the crack too

Suddenly I understand the anatomi of the duck. Yeah man, it's just us. Living. Being
Why do people care so much about fb likes when you can be out there living feeling what the nature offers you

Man i cant remember to breathe sometimes atau kayak focusing myself to talk
Tried drinking water. Forgot how to swallow


The sun is just going to die at some point and im just here tripping sitting in the room? What the flying fuck

Wow even when im tripping i feel like working?

4.50pm
I head outside to bring the trip to me. Took a walk and saw black cow doggo and white doggo. The hallucination part is over though. So no more funny2 thoughts. Just following the trail and the dogs.

Saw big grasshopper on my bike. Thats when I realised that I can zoom in my vision like 3x bigger. Can see even the smallest insect. 

5.13pm
Noticed a bunch of stuffs is not as organic as it seems. Plastic in rice fields. But that's the most natural you can get man.

Tried hard not to giggle at random person.

5.27pm
So tired. Brain just get friggen tired i can't even rationalized things anymore

8pm
Finally sober. Texted my friends telling them I’m sober after texting them while tripping earlier.

Learned that the pattern that I’ve seen on my hands are actually Flower of Life.
Suddenly crave for vegan raw food, which is weird.

Must plan next trip. Maybe night time instead of daytime.


Conclusion:
It was a very fascinating trip! Although I didn’t really enjoy closing my eyes while tripping and I was very irritated with the neighbour, I would love to revisit the shrooms experience next time. Maybe in 2-3 weeks time. 

Did I get to be more spiritual? No, not really, actually. I had some contemplating thoughts but not so much new insights. Probably because I have been spiritual to begin with and the insights it presented have been learned through meditation. But the one thing I noticed was I felt present and fully aware that I was high. I knew that the reality it presented wasn’t the actual reality. It’s almost like experiencing lucid dream where you can alter what you want to see. I tried to create energy balls or shifted some images around and it actually worked! This helped me to steer clear from bad trip and focused on the things that made me happy such as clouds, ducks, dogs, and plants. Hahahaha.

Well I guess if you’ve never been in touch with your spiritual side you may get a more enlightening experience? I don’t really know though.

Have you had a weird shroom experience? Write it in the comment box below! Or if you have any questions regarding shrooms, just write it down and I’ll try to reply you asap.

Thanks for reading.

Photo credit: Took it from Tumblr. The account got deleted, though. 


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.