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Why I Chose Polyamory and How It Changes My Love Life

The-Lovers---Foxglove-Tarot-Bali---web.jpg

What if I tell you that by changing your perception of love, you too will change your views about life and relationship?

I don't know if you remember this, but in my post a few months ago, I did open up about my revelation as a pansexual. But what I didn't tell you, was the events that lead up to that.

Around three months ago, I had the privilege to meet this wonderful man, who did not only teach me how to love differently, but he also becomes a significant figure in my life. He's my twin flame, my soul compadre, and eventually, my secondary partner.

Ever since I met him, my eyes are opened up to the possibility of polyamory. Unlike polygamy, which is probably much more familiar to a lot of Indonesians, polyamory is a practice of having more than one committed partner or multiple people to love.

I do have to admit, that when I first heard the sound of it, I'm very skeptical as to how it could work for me. I was in a monogamous 3,5 years relationship with my boyfriend, and I couldn't imagine sharing myself or him with anyone else. Just the thought of him flirting with someone else hurts me, let alone allowing him to have a second girlfriend. I already know how it's going to make me feel. I will feel jealous, insecure, inadequate, and pretty much every negative feeling that you'll feel when your partner decides to cheat on you.

But I was intrigued. Not because of the number of lovers that you can have, but because of the realization that my boyfriend would only ever be intimate with me the moment we decided to tie the knot. (yes we planned to) I've wanted him to explore his options before he even proposed to me so I could keep his eyes from wandering around once I can officially call him mine.

I guess that decision was partially half of a selfless thought and half of my insecurities talking.

And so, when I heard about this other option, I figured, "Why not?"

Little did I know that after my boyfriend and I decided to commit to this new set of relationship, the way I view love has significantly changed ever since.

Being polyamorous has opened up my ability to love more than one person without judgment, nor the feeling of ownership or control over others

I used to think that it isn't possible to share your heart and love equally, but apparently, we are just too accustomed to the normalcy of monogamy that we didn't even see this as another option. As humans, we are multifaceted. There is no way we can be satisfied in loving and receiving love from just one partner for our entire life. And as someone who has been in several long-term monogamous relationships, I can totally relate to this. I have to admit, that even though I've always loved one partner at a time, I couldn't help but to have a crush for another guy at least once in every relationship. (raise your hands if you know what I'm talking about 🙋🏻)

It forces me to be more honest about my feelings too; not just to others, but to myself as well.

When you're dating more than one person, you'll have to juggle the feeling, schedule, boundaries, and the do's and the don'ts of your partners and yourself. If any of you feel unhappy or uncomfortable with something, you'll have to communicate it as soon as possible, or it will affect your other relationship (or perhaps your partner's second or third relationship). Sounds complicated, eh? Haha.

Well, if you think trying to communicate with one partner is tricky, try getting two partners to be on the same page lol.

However, despite all the good stuff that I've written here, I'm not saying that polyamory is the best option for everyone. It's not a cure-all medicine for the lack of intimacy of your relationship. In fact, if your relationship is already ridden with lies and lack of communication, opening it up for polyamory will only make it worse. Instead of increasing intimacy, polyamory will force you to deal with the emotion or issues that you two have been sweeping under the rug.

Because the path of polyamory requires a certain level of emotional maturity to resolve your insecurities. It faces you with your deepest darkest fear about your relationship.

What is it that you're afraid of if your partner is attracted to another woman? Are you worried that she will take away your partner's attention? Are you concerned that your partner will love her more than you? Or does the image of them being intimate with one another can trigger a hidden trauma of yours?

These are the bitter truth that needs to be communicated at all times in a polyamorous relationship.

It sounds difficult, isn't it?

But I can tell you that once you get the hang of it, being polyamorous can be quite liberating. I have stopped limiting myself from the amount of love that I can give or receive to and from others. My objective of loving someone is no longer limited to whether I can have a relationship with them anymore. I can fall in love romantically with a guy that I will probably never get to see again until next year. But at the same time, I'm free to fall in love with a good friend of mine as well.

I don’t have to worry about putting all of my expectation to just one person and pausing my heart from loving someone because a committed relationship isn’t likely to happen between us.

It takes a lot of practice to stay in a constant state of love. But above all, it should start by being honest with yourself. Get this, the more I know how to deal with how I feel, the easier it is for me to focus on the feeling of love, not obsession or possessiveness. And honestly, we could never control anyone we love anyway because we never own them in the first place.

But if you ask me, "Do you want to be a poly forever?" My answer is, I don't know. As of now, I'm just enjoying this ride of romance in relationships. Maybe I'll go back to being monogamous at one point in my life. Or maybe never, who knows?

All I know for now is that the only thing I want is to fall in love and be in the present for it. Over and over again. Just giving my all, one lover at a time.


Foxglove Tarot Bali - Tarot Reading in Bali.jpeg

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

New Moon in Scorpio 2017 Tarot Spread (and what it means for me!)

I love how every New Moon feels like a reset button for me. It’s like, I’m allowed to make another wish, ask for another manifestation, and I’m allowed to make a different one every time. But during the New Moon in Scorpio, that’s coming up this November 18th, 2017, I feel like I’ve been tangled in work so much that I didn’t catch the important signs that usually pop up a few days beforehand.

Thankfully, Ethony came up with this New Moon in Scorpio tarot spread that helps me to decode the things that I need transforming the most this month. Here’s what the cards have to say about it.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot by  Uusi

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot by Uusi

Silver Astrolocket Scorpio Necklace (www.covencurio.com)

Silver Astrolocket Scorpio Necklace (www.covencurio.com)

New Moon in Scorpio Tarot Spread - The Fool (03).jpg

 

1. What needs transforming at this time? - The Fool

“Spontaneity."

It’s true. I haven’t been really spontaneous lately because I’m so caught up in my work. I’m currently releasing new designs for my jewelry line and I am nothing but spontaneous. As a Mercury and Venus in Virgo person, (and a Libra Sun!) I always tend to create rules to limit my own creativity because I always worry about things. “What if it doesn’t sell?” “What if people hate it?” The card is right. I should stop being so rigid and be more fluid instead.

 

New Moon in Scorpio Tarot Spread - Justice

2. What do I need to let go of? - Justice

“Perfectionism."

As a designer, I have to admit that my perfectionist nature is a double-edged sword that I DEFINITELY need to let go once in a while. Every time I create a new design, I want it to be so refined that I wouldn’t mind revising it over and over again – sometimes at the expense of others.

This card also tells me to tone down the feeling that tells me that I can juggle everything at once. My perfectionist trait definitely doesn’t sit well with my bipolar illness. I need to stop chasing perfection that makes me push myself to be in charge of everything. I should start listening to others and delegating my work to keep my head depression-free.

 

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3. How can I best cultivate inner peace? - Five of Pentacles

"Having a sense of completion."

"Everything comes full circle when you allow it.”

I heard this phrase in my head as I open this card. It means two things to me.

The first one is that the Universe will always have a big plan for me. Everything will turn full circle eventually. What has started will become completed. And all I need to do is trust in the path.

And the second is, I shouldn’t keep adding more tasks to my workload. I need to relax more and enjoy the fruit of my hard work. I need to feel more relieved when I completed a task, instead of checking my to-do list and worrying about the incomplete ones.

Raise your hands if you’re just as guilty as me. 😭

 

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4. How can I best heal old pain? - Seven of Swords

"Understanding that sometimes you just gotta wing it."

This is so true. There were cases when I and my boyfriend actually got the best deal or having the best time when we’re improvising. Sometimes we would make plans on what to do on our special day (birthday, a day off, etc.) but the more we plan it, the more ruined it will be. We will have a plan of where to go, for sure, but maybe only in one place in that one full day and keep the rest unplanned. It has been proven so many times, that now we always decide to just wing it.

I guess that’s the same thing for my work. Keeping my options open for possibilities is definitely the best way to stop my perfectionism from ruining my work progress.

 

5. What do my guides want to tell me going into this moon cycle? - Seven of Pentacles

"Perfection is what you make it."

I want to tell you a story about how this phrase currently resonates with me.

Ironically, the deck that I’m using to read this, Pagan Otherworlds Tarot, is incomplete. I’ve received this deck since the 6th of November, but I haven’t yet used it until two days ago. That’s when I realized that the Death card is missing from the deck. I’ve tried tracing the two places where I’ve used the deck (my room and a cafe), and there’s been no recollection of me ever seeing this card in person at all. My intuition tells me that the card might have never existed inside the box in the first place.

I was anxious, of course. And I even thought about selling this card and get a new one. But honestly, I think missing the card is probably the most important lesson that I get on this New Moon in Scorpio. Scorpio is a sign of death and transformation. And the card that’s missing is the Death card. Isn’t that weird?

An incomplete tarot deck is probably the best way to teach me to make the bestest perfect situation out of imperfection.

 

In summary, I feel more clear-headed after doing this reading. I feel that moving ahead, I understand that perfection is good, but I can only achieve true perfection if I allow myself to feel satisfied with my own work despite all the imperfection. I realized now, that actually, I’ve had some amazing jewelry design that I made by accident (because I’m bored) or because some craftsmen decided to improvise. It’s important for me to realize that I can’t always control my work outcome and that it’s always best for me to just trust the Universe and its divine process.

 

If you’re interested to try out this spread, tag me @foxglovetarot and @ethony on Instagram with the hashtag #NewMoonScorpioTarot. I’d like to see how this spread helps you to identify your trait that needs transforming. Thanks for reading, and hope you have a blessed New Moon in Scorpio!


Foxglove Tarot Bali - Tarot Reader in Bali.jpeg

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

3 tips to flirt your way into his heart during Venus in Gemini, and more!

Foxglove Tarot Bali - Venus in Gemini (copyright Jared Sluyter).jpg

Keep those butterflies in your stomach because I’m going to teach you how to release them to the right person this week! 🌸

Venus is transiting in Gemini this week on the 5th until 31st of July 2017. It is the time for this fun, flirtatious love sign to work its magic for all single ladies out there (yes, you are probably included). Venus in Gemini’s energy will feel like a tickle on your stomach, causing you to release awkward flirts or small talks for your crush. This need to burst out some flirts might feel like a ticking bomb or a shocking punch to the gut. At some point, you’ll feel like you need to do something about it like call your crush and ask them out on a date or something. But if you don’t know how to do it the right way, you might want to keep the urge in your pants before being ended up in an awkward situation.

Here are my tips to get your crush’s attention while keeping your restless heart to calm 👏 the fuck 👏 down 👏:

 

Use your newly found confidence! (with caution)

Venus in Gemini energy helps to build your confidence. It will feel like you can say anything to your crush and totally get away with it. Hey, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn't be wise about it. If you’ve been considering to take them out on a date but you don’t want to be the one to text them first, throw your dating handbook out of the door and just go for it. Stop waiting for things to happen, and make it happen instead. Venus in Gemini is almost like a nothing-to-lose season for shy lovers. If you’re really nervous, and you need a push for it, email me, and I’ll send you some cool dog meme.

Be witty, and most importantly, friendly.

You will never run out of things to talk about during Venus in Gemini. Gemini is a sign known for their wordsmith and witty jokes. It’s time to put these traits into the groove. Seduce your crush with conversations, and I promise you they will remember to call you back. Watch some rom-com movies and see how a protagonist beguiles his lover using witty jokes. My favorite go-to for this is Master of None. But most importantly, be friendly. Be someone who can listen to their story and give feedback in return. Sometimes the best way to get into someone’s heart is by being their best friend first, don’t you think so?

Be honest.

Honesty is always rewarded positively regardless of which planet is in transit. But particularly during Venus in Gemini, where temptation is literally everywhere (even in your neighbourhood). Venus in Gemini will feed your curiosity to try and flirt with someone new, and without you know it, you might be dating several people at once. If it happens, be honest to all parties about your situation. Tell them that you’re not that into commitment right now and you enjoy getting and giving attention to different lovers. You don’t want to lead someone on and eventually reap a bad karma, right? Yup no.

They’re not sold? Go date someone else instead.

Hey it’s not like you’re running out of lovers anyway, right? Kiddingggg.


❤️  Tips for Lovers ❤️

Happily attached? Channel your desire to your loved one instead.

Venus in Gemini has the perfectly concocted energy for infidelity, something to watch out for those who are happily attached. If you are one of those couples, you might want to curb or resist the urge to message someone else just for fun. You should keep their trust, especially if your partner is emotionally invested in you since Venus in Gemini is merely a temporary transit. This temporary fling might not last forever, am I right?

Hey, um, but I’m in an open relationship.

If you’re keeping things open with your loved one, focus this flirtatious energy to find new playmates for both of you to make a new connection. Rather than going separate ways with Tinder, you two can be a team by using Feeld instead. Just click the link, you’ll thank me later (wink wink).

Photo via Jared Sluyter - Unsplash


Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

New Moon in Cancer: Finding a Sense of Completion within You

In the picture: The Moon and The Priestess of Thoth Tarot by Aleister Crowley | Cancer Gold Bracelet and Goddess Moonstone Ring by  COVEN

In the picture: The Moon and The Priestess of Thoth Tarot by Aleister Crowley | Cancer Gold Bracelet and Goddess Moonstone Ring by COVEN

Have you been feeling melancholic recently? Well, surprise! The New Moon in Cancer is happening tonight. Be prepared for an emotional roller coaster. Or if you're already on the ride, it's time to finally acknowledge our flaws and fill our lack with positive endeavors.

The New Moon is a sign for us to begin our rebirth. Unlike Full Moon, New Moon clears our old, destructive habit to give space for new, positive energy. Being in the Cancer sphere, this month’s New Moon touches Cancer’s area of focus such as home, healing, security, and family. It’ll remind us of the things that we’re lack in our lives, and what we have to do to complete it. But of course, it’s not going to be as easy as it sounds.

As of now, we have a total of four planets located in Cancer that helps to enhance the energy: The Sun, the Moon, Mercury, and Mars. All four planets are connected in trine aspect with Uranus in Aries, highlighting the blessing of inner strength and independence that Cancer bestows upon us this week. However, Mars’ trine with Neptune Retrograde in Pisces and the square aspect with Jupiter in Libra tells me that despite our effort to be independent, we are also hindering our progress with our crave for intimacy and security. This month’s New Moon, along with the three other planets that in conjunct around it, is a wake-up call for us to set our priorities straight.

Cancer is a cardinal water sign. A strong, independent leader with a nurturing flair – influenced by its sensitive ruler, the Moon. But its independence may rely entirely on someone else’s dependency on them. A happy Cancerian is someone who has fulfilled their need for a happy domestic life while being able to support someone else in their free time. They will only aim for a successful future if they know that it will be worthwhile for their family in the end.

For some people, the energy of New Moon in Cancer can be translated as the need to form a family, the need to put their loved ones first, or the need to protect what they already have. Some people may feel a surge of despair being surrounded by wealth without someone to share. Eventually, it points to our theme of the week: completion. You will only feel secure when your needs are fulfilled, whether it's emotionally or physically. You may also long for the warm and cozy feeling within you, something that a Cancerian will never lack due to their empathetic nature. If you notice anything that's missing in your life, this New Moon in Cancer is the time for you to reflect upon it.

Here are some tips to get a sense of completion on New Moon in Cancer:
 

Create your sacred space

Do you have a place in your home that you consider as sacred? If you don’t, find a nook or choose an area to be your personal sacred space. It is a space where you can do your personal me time. Whether to read, relax, or nap, the area should be comfortable enough to be your safe haven. Once you have made a home within a home, keep the space clean and tidy. Get rid of things that can disrupt your Zen and replace it with items that give you a sense of comfort. 

Find out what’s weighing you down

New Moon in Cancer will tap into your emotion. And if you're sensitive to an emotional sting, the energy can really weigh you down. You need to face the discomfort within you to set yourself free. Is there any issue that needs to be forgiven? Is there anything that you’ve been wanting to do or say but never got the chance? Resolve the issue or make peace with yourself. It's time to release the burden once and for all.

Give yourself some much-needed self-love

You're not as strong as you look, and that's okay. There's no need to punish yourself for feeling intensely or for needing time to unwind. We all have our weakness. It's our job to address where we're lack and provide ourselves with love and support. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, watch the movie that your boyfriend would never watch with you, and appreciate what you've done for yourself.

Spend some quality time with the family

The New Moon in Cancer is coincidentally (although I think it's NOT coincidental) close to the Hari Raya Idul Fitri. Some of you might have gone home to see your family, which is exactly how we should celebrate these two events (FYI, Cancer is known to be the universal sign of family). This week, go back to your root and enjoy some quality time with your loved ones. Make yourself feel whole again. If you don't have anyone in your family to spend time with, at least enjoy a company of a group that nurtures you.

Heal yourself

Sometimes all you need is to slow down and relax when everything is too overwhelming. Take some time off to address your health, your emotion, or your feelings (see the first tips!). You can also see a doctor or a healer to help you with any blockage in your chakra. In fact, I just went to see an ophthalmologist for the first time today to check my eyes. (Spoiler: Apparently I'm short-sighted, sigh.) Anyway, my point is, your health is important and it should be your number one priority this week (or any days in your life, really!).

I hope the New Moon in Cancer tonight brings you the much needed emotional cleansing to find out what’s been hindering you from your growth. We are never perfect, but we are whole. Once you understand where your weaknesses are, you can slowly weave a more fully developed spiritual path for yourself.

Have a great New Moon night, witchlings!


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

Magical Honey Lavender Lemonade Recipe for Litha

Honey Lavender Lemonade Recipe for Litha by Foxglove Tarot Bali (01)

Happy Litha, everyone!

In case you've never heard of it, Litha is one of the Pagans' and Wiccans' Sabbats to celebrate the midsummer solstice. It is celebrated on June 22nd, where the day is longer than usual, making it the perfect day to celebrate the power of the Sun God. On this day, witches celebrate the festival by performing various rituals to honor the sun, such as bonfire festival, barbecue, or just sunbathing to enjoy the sun’s warm, masculine, energy.

Well, I think I’m going to celebrate it by going to the beach today while enjoying my homemade brewed Magical Honey Lavender Lemonade. I accidentally stumbled across this recipe from FitFoodieFinds while I was browsing through Pinterest, and this sounds just perfect (and so so so simple) for the lazy me to start the rest of my day. I may have tweaked it with a little bit of magical touch, but nevertheless, you can still drink the brew anytime you wish. 

Here you go!

My Lavender-Infused Honey Syrup, stored in a recycled Darbo Jam jar.

My Lavender-Infused Honey Syrup, stored in a recycled Darbo Jam jar.


Ingredients


Lavender-Infused Honey Syrup
1/2 cup of mineral water
1/2 cup of honey (I use Acacia Honey because the floral flavor blends well with the brew)
1 tablespoon dried lavender (I’m using the lavender flower tea by Hanayo Tea since it's difficult to find any lavender plants here)

Honey Lavender Lemonade Spell
"May this brew brings me the renewal I need
Or the clarity to walk my path despite my misdeed
May my wishes manifest on this special Sabbat
With no harm done to anything or anyone
By the powers of Air, Fire, Water, and Earth
May my journey be pure and prosper henceforth
So mote it be!" 


Honey Lavender Lemonade recipe (for one serving)
3/4 cup of lemon juice
1/2 cup of mineral water
3/4 cup lavender-infused honey syrup
Sugar (if necessary)

Acacia Honey

Acacia Honey

Lavender Flower Tea by Hanayo Tea

Lavender Flower Tea by Hanayo Tea

Honey Lavender Lemonade Recipe for Litha by Foxglove Tarot Bali (03)

How to make this:


First, start by making the Lavender-Infused Honey Syrup as your base

  1. Place all the ingredients in a saucepan and boil them.
  2. Once boiling, simmer it for 5 minutes.
  3. Stir it while reciting the spell until the honey is mixed well with the water. Don’t forget to visualize your wish while doing the sequence. Litha is a great day to wish for renewal, purification, empowerment, or prosperity. Time to tap into that solar energy, witches!
  4. Place it in a container (I use a recycled jam jar for this) and store it into a fridge for overnight (at least 8 hours).
  5. You can strain the lavender before serving. Or not, because I love eating them hehe.

Once you’re done, you can use the syrup to make a few servings of the Honey Lavender Lemonade

  1. Place all the ingredients, along with the syrup, into a cup or a pitcher, and mix it.
  2. You can add sugar if necessary. Sugar helps to enhance your brew’s power.
  3. Add some ice and drink it while enjoying the sun.
  4. You can also leave out a small amount of the lemonade as an offering to the Sun God – or any gods that you’ve been working with.

Hope you have a great Litha! And don't forget to tell me how your lemonade goes! Mine is purrrfect. Hohoho. Do you have any other recipe or ways to celebrate Litha that you can share with me? Leave it in the comments below! ☺️🌞


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.