foxglove tarot

Why I Chose Polyamory and How It Changes My Love Life

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What if I tell you that by changing your perception of love, you too will change your views about life and relationship?

I don't know if you remember this, but in my post a few months ago, I did open up about my revelation as a pansexual. But what I didn't tell you, was the events that lead up to that.

Around three months ago, I had the privilege to meet this wonderful man, who did not only teach me how to love differently, but he also becomes a significant figure in my life. He's my twin flame, my soul compadre, and eventually, my secondary partner.

Ever since I met him, my eyes are opened up to the possibility of polyamory. Unlike polygamy, which is probably much more familiar to a lot of Indonesians, polyamory is a practice of having more than one committed partner or multiple people to love.

I do have to admit, that when I first heard the sound of it, I'm very skeptical as to how it could work for me. I was in a monogamous 3,5 years relationship with my boyfriend, and I couldn't imagine sharing myself or him with anyone else. Just the thought of him flirting with someone else hurts me, let alone allowing him to have a second girlfriend. I already know how it's going to make me feel. I will feel jealous, insecure, inadequate, and pretty much every negative feeling that you'll feel when your partner decides to cheat on you.

But I was intrigued. Not because of the number of lovers that you can have, but because of the realization that my boyfriend would only ever be intimate with me the moment we decided to tie the knot. (yes we planned to) I've wanted him to explore his options before he even proposed to me so I could keep his eyes from wandering around once I can officially call him mine.

I guess that decision was partially half of a selfless thought and half of my insecurities talking.

And so, when I heard about this other option, I figured, "Why not?"

Little did I know that after my boyfriend and I decided to commit to this new set of relationship, the way I view love has significantly changed ever since.

Being polyamorous has opened up my ability to love more than one person without judgment, nor the feeling of ownership or control over others

I used to think that it isn't possible to share your heart and love equally, but apparently, we are just too accustomed to the normalcy of monogamy that we didn't even see this as another option. As humans, we are multifaceted. There is no way we can be satisfied in loving and receiving love from just one partner for our entire life. And as someone who has been in several long-term monogamous relationships, I can totally relate to this. I have to admit, that even though I've always loved one partner at a time, I couldn't help but to have a crush for another guy at least once in every relationship. (raise your hands if you know what I'm talking about 🙋🏻)

It forces me to be more honest about my feelings too; not just to others, but to myself as well.

When you're dating more than one person, you'll have to juggle the feeling, schedule, boundaries, and the do's and the don'ts of your partners and yourself. If any of you feel unhappy or uncomfortable with something, you'll have to communicate it as soon as possible, or it will affect your other relationship (or perhaps your partner's second or third relationship). Sounds complicated, eh? Haha.

Well, if you think trying to communicate with one partner is tricky, try getting two partners to be on the same page lol.

However, despite all the good stuff that I've written here, I'm not saying that polyamory is the best option for everyone. It's not a cure-all medicine for the lack of intimacy of your relationship. In fact, if your relationship is already ridden with lies and lack of communication, opening it up for polyamory will only make it worse. Instead of increasing intimacy, polyamory will force you to deal with the emotion or issues that you two have been sweeping under the rug.

Because the path of polyamory requires a certain level of emotional maturity to resolve your insecurities. It faces you with your deepest darkest fear about your relationship.

What is it that you're afraid of if your partner is attracted to another woman? Are you worried that she will take away your partner's attention? Are you concerned that your partner will love her more than you? Or does the image of them being intimate with one another can trigger a hidden trauma of yours?

These are the bitter truth that needs to be communicated at all times in a polyamorous relationship.

It sounds difficult, isn't it?

But I can tell you that once you get the hang of it, being polyamorous can be quite liberating. I have stopped limiting myself from the amount of love that I can give or receive to and from others. My objective of loving someone is no longer limited to whether I can have a relationship with them anymore. I can fall in love romantically with a guy that I will probably never get to see again until next year. But at the same time, I'm free to fall in love with a good friend of mine as well.

I don’t have to worry about putting all of my expectation to just one person and pausing my heart from loving someone because a committed relationship isn’t likely to happen between us.

It takes a lot of practice to stay in a constant state of love. But above all, it should start by being honest with yourself. Get this, the more I know how to deal with how I feel, the easier it is for me to focus on the feeling of love, not obsession or possessiveness. And honestly, we could never control anyone we love anyway because we never own them in the first place.

But if you ask me, "Do you want to be a poly forever?" My answer is, I don't know. As of now, I'm just enjoying this ride of romance in relationships. Maybe I'll go back to being monogamous at one point in my life. Or maybe never, who knows?

All I know for now is that the only thing I want is to fall in love and be in the present for it. Over and over again. Just giving my all, one lover at a time.


Foxglove Tarot Bali - Tarot Reading in Bali.jpeg

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

New Moon in Scorpio 2017 Tarot Spread (and what it means for me!)

I love how every New Moon feels like a reset button for me. It’s like, I’m allowed to make another wish, ask for another manifestation, and I’m allowed to make a different one every time. But during the New Moon in Scorpio, that’s coming up this November 18th, 2017, I feel like I’ve been tangled in work so much that I didn’t catch the important signs that usually pop up a few days beforehand.

Thankfully, Ethony came up with this New Moon in Scorpio tarot spread that helps me to decode the things that I need transforming the most this month. Here’s what the cards have to say about it.

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot by  Uusi

Pagan Otherworlds Tarot by Uusi

Silver Astrolocket Scorpio Necklace (www.covencurio.com)

Silver Astrolocket Scorpio Necklace (www.covencurio.com)

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1. What needs transforming at this time? - The Fool

“Spontaneity."

It’s true. I haven’t been really spontaneous lately because I’m so caught up in my work. I’m currently releasing new designs for my jewelry line and I am nothing but spontaneous. As a Mercury and Venus in Virgo person, (and a Libra Sun!) I always tend to create rules to limit my own creativity because I always worry about things. “What if it doesn’t sell?” “What if people hate it?” The card is right. I should stop being so rigid and be more fluid instead.

 

New Moon in Scorpio Tarot Spread - Justice

2. What do I need to let go of? - Justice

“Perfectionism."

As a designer, I have to admit that my perfectionist nature is a double-edged sword that I DEFINITELY need to let go once in a while. Every time I create a new design, I want it to be so refined that I wouldn’t mind revising it over and over again – sometimes at the expense of others.

This card also tells me to tone down the feeling that tells me that I can juggle everything at once. My perfectionist trait definitely doesn’t sit well with my bipolar illness. I need to stop chasing perfection that makes me push myself to be in charge of everything. I should start listening to others and delegating my work to keep my head depression-free.

 

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3. How can I best cultivate inner peace? - Five of Pentacles

"Having a sense of completion."

"Everything comes full circle when you allow it.”

I heard this phrase in my head as I open this card. It means two things to me.

The first one is that the Universe will always have a big plan for me. Everything will turn full circle eventually. What has started will become completed. And all I need to do is trust in the path.

And the second is, I shouldn’t keep adding more tasks to my workload. I need to relax more and enjoy the fruit of my hard work. I need to feel more relieved when I completed a task, instead of checking my to-do list and worrying about the incomplete ones.

Raise your hands if you’re just as guilty as me. 😭

 

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4. How can I best heal old pain? - Seven of Swords

"Understanding that sometimes you just gotta wing it."

This is so true. There were cases when I and my boyfriend actually got the best deal or having the best time when we’re improvising. Sometimes we would make plans on what to do on our special day (birthday, a day off, etc.) but the more we plan it, the more ruined it will be. We will have a plan of where to go, for sure, but maybe only in one place in that one full day and keep the rest unplanned. It has been proven so many times, that now we always decide to just wing it.

I guess that’s the same thing for my work. Keeping my options open for possibilities is definitely the best way to stop my perfectionism from ruining my work progress.

 

5. What do my guides want to tell me going into this moon cycle? - Seven of Pentacles

"Perfection is what you make it."

I want to tell you a story about how this phrase currently resonates with me.

Ironically, the deck that I’m using to read this, Pagan Otherworlds Tarot, is incomplete. I’ve received this deck since the 6th of November, but I haven’t yet used it until two days ago. That’s when I realized that the Death card is missing from the deck. I’ve tried tracing the two places where I’ve used the deck (my room and a cafe), and there’s been no recollection of me ever seeing this card in person at all. My intuition tells me that the card might have never existed inside the box in the first place.

I was anxious, of course. And I even thought about selling this card and get a new one. But honestly, I think missing the card is probably the most important lesson that I get on this New Moon in Scorpio. Scorpio is a sign of death and transformation. And the card that’s missing is the Death card. Isn’t that weird?

An incomplete tarot deck is probably the best way to teach me to make the bestest perfect situation out of imperfection.

 

In summary, I feel more clear-headed after doing this reading. I feel that moving ahead, I understand that perfection is good, but I can only achieve true perfection if I allow myself to feel satisfied with my own work despite all the imperfection. I realized now, that actually, I’ve had some amazing jewelry design that I made by accident (because I’m bored) or because some craftsmen decided to improvise. It’s important for me to realize that I can’t always control my work outcome and that it’s always best for me to just trust the Universe and its divine process.

 

If you’re interested to try out this spread, tag me @foxglovetarot and @ethony on Instagram with the hashtag #NewMoonScorpioTarot. I’d like to see how this spread helps you to identify your trait that needs transforming. Thanks for reading, and hope you have a blessed New Moon in Scorpio!


Foxglove Tarot Bali - Tarot Reader in Bali.jpeg

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

New Moon in Aries 2017: Letting go of your ego and accepting yourself.


Hello, friends!

Hope you're having a good week so far! Are you ready for a long blog post? (Sorry)

Today in Bali, Indonesia, we are celebrating the Nyepi Day, or as known as the Day of Silence.

In case you’ve never heard of the event, Nyepi is a day of self-reflection in Balinese Hindu tradition through several restrictions such as Amati Geni (no fire, light, or electricity), Amati Karya (no working), Amati Lelunganan (no traveling), and Amati Lelanguan (fasting and no self-entertainment). We are expected to think in retrospect in silence about who we are and evaluate our values, such as love, patience, and kindness. We connect with our Creator, with the Universe, and with ourselves through prayer, fasting, and meditation. But most importantly, we do it to be in touch with our core self – our spiritual self, without any distraction.

Like any other Nyepi Day, the celebration always falls on New Moon. I’ve only been celebrating it twice here in Bali, and last year it was New Moon in Pisces + Lunar Eclipse turn, while tonight is the chance for the New Moon in Aries to take center stage.

Let’s not forget that Venus and Jupiter are still in retrograde, keeping yourself focused on searching spirituality and wellness inward. And with Venus retrograde standing in conjunction with the New Moon right at the heart of Aries, this need of loving yourself first will become heightened as the week goes.

All aspects added, the question that I’m trying to answer today is: “Is there anything that we can expect this week based on tonight’s celestial event?” I have drawn three cards from my favorite astro diviner Thoth Tarot to assist me.
 


Two of Disks (Change): Find ways to end the cycle of ego within you.

Every ego wants to be special. If it can’t be special by being superior to others, it’s also quite happy with being especially miserable.
— Eckhart Tolle

Ego is a part of us that we can never erase. But don’t worry, that there are ways to work around it – to remind the ego that it is not here to stay and overpower us. Through the reading, the Two of Disks reminds us to stay grounded this week. New Moon in Aries is INTENSE (yes I have to use the capital to illustrate exactly how INTENSE this is). And being a sign of ego that is Aries, tonight’s New Moon will propel you into ego traps.

Always be aware of the feeling of superiority. Achieve that awareness, take a step back and understand why you feel the need to be superior or judgmental to others. Is there any part of you that requires healing and letting go? The New Moon in Aries will help us to recognize the “sickness” and highlights the core problem.

Suggestion: Do a transcending ego meditation. This one is my favorite.

Ace of Cups: Nourish the mind, body, and spirit.

Currently, there are five planets stationed in Aries (Venus, Sun, Moon, Uranus, and Mercury), giving a boost of Aries’ fiery individualistic energy. In my earlier post, I talked about the influence of this Arian energy during Venus retrograde: the importance of self-love. Will this theme go forward during New Moon in Aries? Hell yeah! Here’s how Leah Whitehorse further describes this connection in her LUA Astrology website:

Venus is all about ‘I love you’ but in Aries, it’s about ‘I love me!’. Instead of striking out and starting new projects or relationships, this New Moon suggests we need to go within and bravely learn to love ourselves first and foremost. Self-love is integral to the path ahead.
— Leah Whitehorse

So ask yourself if you’ve been naughty or nice to yourself this week. Do you allow yourself to take a break when needed? Have you eaten your meals on time? Have you spent enough self-care time for yourself? Have you been sleeping around even if you know you’re not supposed to do it because it’s going to make you feel shitty the next day? But most importantly, are you happy?

Suggestion: Do any of these self-care activities, but try not to break the bank because Venus RX literally won’t allow you to overspend.

Also, maybe try the Go-Massage? I’ve heard raving reviews about it, so I hope they can do the job of de-stressing you. 

Queen of Cups: Don’t deny your relationship with yourself.

Following the importance of self-love that I have highlighted earlier, you also have to have a strong bond with yourself. As you’re reading this, you're probably thinking about certain physical or emotional traits that you don’t like about yourself. Some people don’t like their shadow side or the way their intuition getting in the way of their logic. I have even met some people who don't like themselves because they’re too nice to everyone else. There are thousands of reasons of why you can’t make peace with yourself. And tonight’s New Moon will only bring those reasons to the surface.

Scratch that. We will enjoy the New Moon in Aries week with full love and honesty with ourselves.

Accept both the good and the bad of our existence, and understand that there is no way you can achieve perfection. It doesn’t mean that you can be a total bitch and say, “Yeah I can’t change my attitude, because I know I’m selfish and arrogant.” It means, you understand the length of your disliked traits, and you work towards accepting or making peace with it. In other words, you shouldn’t use those particular traits to feed your ego (back to point no 1).

Suggestion: Do a heart-to-heart talk with your partner/family/friend, and discuss the things that you don’t like about yourself – whether it’s your attitude, belief, or your physical self. Ask their opinion and discuss how you can make your progress in accepting those traits.

PS: I won’t suggest you change anything yet, especially anything on your physical self because Venus is still in retrograde.


Well, I hope you’re ready for the New Moon tonight! Let me know if you have any other suggestion to celebrate Nyepi / New Moon in Aries in the comments below. 🌚 🌝


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

5 Ways to Achieve Work-Life Balance on Full Moon in Virgo


Hey ho! Welcome to Full Moon in Virgo!

As the host of the 6th House in Astrology, the virgin Virgo rules health, hygiene, jobs, daily routines, and pets. Imagine Sarah from your workplace who is always glad to help but gets anal about the font size in your spreadsheet. Yes, that’s the epitome of a true Virgo.

Tonight, on March 12th, 2017, we are witnessing the bright, beautiful full moon located in Virgo. The shift will cause you the urge to stop coming home late, use your free time to clean up your room, and indulge yourself with a free Vinyasa flow practice on Youtube(Virgos are very economical in that sense) The energy in effect will not only apply to a Virgo but also to everyone, regardless of the sun sign.

But is there any other way to harness the full moon energy to its fullest potential? Of course, there are! Hold my kale juice, and let me help you with that.

1. Let your work quality speaks volumes – not the quantity.

Unlike the sign Capricorn, Virgo’s perfectionism quirk applies to the quality of work instead of the title of their career. Closer to the full moon, your workload may be piling up – more than what you can finish on time. To avoid staying late at work, use the Pomodoro timer approach to fit as much work as you can in 20 mins. It’s important to work efficiently within the working hours so you can clock out on time.

2. Work hard, rest hard.

Allow yourself to take a good rest whenever you have the free time. If you can spare 15 mins at work, sneak in a coffee nap to get a quick recharge. Once you arrive at home, ignore your emails and head straight to the bathroom for a hot bath. Light scented candles if you have some, and wear your pajama. Your work should stop during resting time, and you need to stop resting once the work-mode starts.

3. Set a healthy boundary with yourself.

Full Moon in Virgo is the perfect period to start paying attention to your health. Have your annual check-up this week, and see if there’s anything that you need to improve in regards to your well-being. Maybe you need to reduce your caffeine intake, get enough sleep, or maybe you should stop stressing over your plan of talking to the HR about your promotion. 

4. Don’t skip the vitamins!

Make your full moon resolution to start eating more veggies, fruits, and take more vitamins. To increase your performance at work, you need to store as much energy as you can, and you need a strong, healthy body to give your best shot.

5. Practice mindfulness.

Work can demand so much of your time, so keep your mind stress-free with mindfulness! Some tips from me: schedule a quick 10-min sun salutation every morning, try to note down positive experiences in a gratitude journal, and spread kindness whenever you can. Let’s start our day with positivity, shall we?

Photo Credit: Pexel


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.

Why We Don’t Think We Deserve True Love

Evan Kirby - Unsplash.jpg

Remember this quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky? “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Yeah, that one.

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when I saw someone posted the quote. Strangely, it happened in the same week while I was occupied with a lot of stories about my tarot reading clients who experience abuse in a relationship. And just like that, I snapped.

I have my own sad stories about unfair treatment in a relationship, so I know how it feels like to be on the losing end. But on that day, I realized that we are not always the victim here.

Here’s the cycle. You meet this very sweet and sensitive guy who seem to understand you with all your flaws and imperfections, but once you move in together, he feels insecure about everything you do. You spend your days trying to convince him that you will always be there for him and be his supportive girlfriend.

You give so much love, but you get so little in return. In fact, you won’t have enough love to love yourself because he’ll assume that if you love yourself, you don’t love him enough. Sounds familiar?

I’ve seen not only clients but good friends who are strong powerful females who fell into this trap over and over again. Most of the women who experience abuse or lack of power balance in their relationship either come from a dysfunctional family or they tend to value themselves lower.

They think that staying in a relationship with so much discomfort seems more comfortable than finding someone else who can give them the love they deserve. It’s because they’re not sure if anyone can love them more than their abusive partner.

They also think that love can change the way their partner treats them. It might happen in an alternate reality, but based on my personal experience and my clients’ stories, I’m sorry to tell you but, it’s pretty unlikely.

Because it’s bullshit. I’m sorry if I have to kick your ass this way because I know that you deserve so much more.

Look at yourself again in the mirror and tell me what you see. Do you see a confident, beautiful woman that deserves someone who can love her for being who she is? I do.

You don’t deserve bullies who continuously lower your self-worth just to make themselves feel good.

How we allow our partner to treat ourselves is the reflection of how we think we deserve to be treated. If we don’t value ourselves enough, we are more likely to attract the needy partner who dislikes the idea of us being who we are. Remember, no one can give you better love than yourself.

The right love will make you feel comfortable being yourself. The right person will encourage you to pursue your hobby, the future you want, even if it means you have to sacrifice comfort in your relationship (hello, long distance relationship!). You’ll know if you’re in the right relationship for you if you feel comfortable in speaking out your opinion without worrying about being the bad guy here because a great relationship contains nothing but love and respect for each other.

So give yourself some loving before you plea for someone else’s love. Oh and, please know that you should find love from someone that is so amazing, rather than sticking to the second best, because you totally deserve it.

 

*I originally published this article in Thought Catalog.

Photo by Evan Kirby - Unsplash


Foxglove Tarot Bali

Hello, I'm Canti!

I am a tarot reader and an eclectic witch living in Bali, providing online tarot reading and blessing service for the mindful soul-searchers. Contact me at www.foxglovetarot.com to book a private counseling session with me.